[In their own ways they are both too fragile for this. He doesn't know how to handle all of this any more than she does.
But she's absolutely right. The enormity of the world beyond merely what duty demands of him leaves him feeling unmoored in so many ways. Chiefly among them is the emotions he'd never permitted himself to feel, let alone acknowledge. The sudden breadth of opportunities he had no idea how to filter and dismiss. Things he should chose between but somehow now, having let so many years, decades of said opportunities slip past he simply... doesn't know how to let others go now.
He should. For Regis' sake. For Will's. For his own maybe even. But the knowledge of how to regulate, to find some middle ground between feeling everything and seizing every opportunity or standing back, untouched by everything around him, is so far out of his grasp.]
I cannot fault you for distrusting this. As much as I want to insist it couldn't only be the wine I have no way of guaranteeing that myself.
I do care for you, though. Wine or no, that is not a question.
[ That is the only reassurance she can muster. Even if the wine was driving everything else about him, his words... his intent, to protect, she understood that.
As much as that made it all the more difficult. Perhaps she would have to only treasure the moment, if the kiss was false, even if he would never kiss her again, not like that, and certainly not, if he knew - as though he'd be even to able look at her again, with eyes like that. No, she'd see in his eyes the way he'd spoken about Besithia, the scowl and the disgust. She couldn't shake the thought.
What was required? She was thinking too much about this. She was still anothers, and Cor was compromised, with some space they both would be fine. Perhaps. It would be hard. They could talk about other things. It would be better. It had all gone to her head too. She had not yet moved his hand away from her. What was she doing.
There's a faint rustle, as Kova moves to plant himself between their feet at last, and meow upward, trying to jump to her arms. ]
... Kova, that is not necessary. We are saying good night.
He lets his hand slip away, knuckles brushing along her cheek but the dismissal is clear. He's pushed for too much and as much as it would be nice to kiss her again he's at least smart enough to respect the silent request for space.
His hand falls away and he takes half a step back, looking down at the feline, expression sheepish. It's just a cat but somehow it's easier to talk to Kova just now than Honerva herself.]
Don't worry I'm giving her back.
[A deep breath before he looks back up to her, nodding, acknowledging the request for what it is.]
[ It's a little less warm when he lets his hand fall away, as the curtain of her hair falls over her face again. The cat seemed intent to take up the space, as she finally stooped just enough to gather him in her arms, before rising again. It was not the same, even if the cat was acting of his own whims, a minor buffering of lost comfort. He meows again, in response to Cor's words, though not as insistently; it seems the message was gotten.
Then Cor looks back to her, and for a moment her words seem to be stolen again, but she recovers, inclining her head. It was an out, an out for both of them, with neither of them needing to hastily leave as much as instincts were blurred. They were adults, this was... reasonable. ]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2020-01-09 05:31 am (UTC)But she's absolutely right. The enormity of the world beyond merely what duty demands of him leaves him feeling unmoored in so many ways. Chiefly among them is the emotions he'd never permitted himself to feel, let alone acknowledge. The sudden breadth of opportunities he had no idea how to filter and dismiss. Things he should chose between but somehow now, having let so many years, decades of said opportunities slip past he simply... doesn't know how to let others go now.
He should. For Regis' sake. For Will's. For his own maybe even. But the knowledge of how to regulate, to find some middle ground between feeling everything and seizing every opportunity or standing back, untouched by everything around him, is so far out of his grasp.]
I cannot fault you for distrusting this. As much as I want to insist it couldn't only be the wine I have no way of guaranteeing that myself.
I do care for you, though. Wine or no, that is not a question.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-09 06:51 am (UTC)[ That is the only reassurance she can muster. Even if the wine was driving everything else about him, his words... his intent, to protect, she understood that.
As much as that made it all the more difficult. Perhaps she would have to only treasure the moment, if the kiss was false, even if he would never kiss her again, not like that, and certainly not, if he knew - as though he'd be even to able look at her again, with eyes like that. No, she'd see in his eyes the way he'd spoken about Besithia, the scowl and the disgust. She couldn't shake the thought.
What was required? She was thinking too much about this. She was still anothers, and Cor was compromised, with some space they both would be fine. Perhaps. It would be hard. They could talk about other things. It would be better. It had all gone to her head too. She had not yet moved his hand away from her. What was she doing.
There's a faint rustle, as Kova moves to plant himself between their feet at last, and meow upward, trying to jump to her arms. ]
... Kova, that is not necessary. We are saying good night.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-12 06:46 am (UTC)He lets his hand slip away, knuckles brushing along her cheek but the dismissal is clear. He's pushed for too much and as much as it would be nice to kiss her again he's at least smart enough to respect the silent request for space.
His hand falls away and he takes half a step back, looking down at the feline, expression sheepish. It's just a cat but somehow it's easier to talk to Kova just now than Honerva herself.]
Don't worry I'm giving her back.
[A deep breath before he looks back up to her, nodding, acknowledging the request for what it is.]
Good night, Honerva.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-12 08:03 am (UTC)[ It's a little less warm when he lets his hand fall away, as the curtain of her hair falls over her face again. The cat seemed intent to take up the space, as she finally stooped just enough to gather him in her arms, before rising again. It was not the same, even if the cat was acting of his own whims, a minor buffering of lost comfort. He meows again, in response to Cor's words, though not as insistently; it seems the message was gotten.
Then Cor looks back to her, and for a moment her words seem to be stolen again, but she recovers, inclining her head. It was an out, an out for both of them, with neither of them needing to hastily leave as much as instincts were blurred. They were adults, this was... reasonable. ]
Good night, Cor. Be well.