[ On the one hand it is... refreshing to see him so relaxed for all that the moment was intense, but on the other she was still trying to recover from falling so deeply into that moment.
He does not know how long such a thing had been denied from her and not even her memory could not have provided her with the reality of warmth and having her breath all but stolen and... everything else. Still he is an anchor and she barely manages to remain on the side of levity instead of plunging back into the depths. ]
Quite a long way from when we first met.
[ Or from even a few months ago, as she reflects on just the gentle way he had taken her hand then, let alone the emotions that had stirred then, too. ]
It seems... that you have taken the idea of such a change to heart.
I'm trying to. [His expression turns slightly sheepish.] All the reminders don't hurt.
[It is a change, certainly, but one long overdue. A change that Regis has been trying to push for years. It really is amazing what the lack of imminent war can do for a man's nerves.]
And... [He's still not sure now is the time to say it but she seems a bit more collected now, they both do. She deserves to know.]
The wine... [There's a flash of blue light and the glass he'd been drinking earlier returns to his hand.] Encourages this sort of thing. Fool that I am, I was certain I'd be able to resist it's effects. Not that I think it was entirely the wine at work.
[ Her smile fades. She hadn't paid much mind to the drinks; they held no fascination for her, even if the properties would have been interesting to tease with to potentially discover what might have been causing effects in the first place, but she had other considerations to bear rather than to fiddle with those.
But this spoke more of... an influence. He cannot say for certain whether or not he would have acted, were it not in place, though he tries to assure her otherwise. But that part is more... difficult to process. ]
Then surely, you must still feel compromised, at this moment.
[ Because if he were in his right mind she was certain he would never feel taken by such boldness. ]
I would not want you to feel taken advantage of while in this state.
[ She had still allowed it to happen, hadn't she? The pull had been there, it still was, but there was a wrongness in it. Let alone her own ... emotions, all stirred up with nowhere to go. ]
[Her smile fades and he lets his hand move back to cradle her cheek again. That's precisely what he didn't want to happen but he can't exactly blame her.]
Nor would I want you to feel taken advantage of. I don't want you to think it is the wine alone.
[His cheeks color slightly, glancing aside.]
It was a thought, fleeting and not something I'd have dared, but there none the less when we spoke last, in the archive. I- Perhaps it encouraged me to be more forward than I might have otherwise but...
[He shrugs helplessly. But he really likes you, Honerva and he doesn't know what to do with that, exactly.]
[ At the reminder of that particular day, which was notably not affected by anything else, there's that brief, almost tell-tale ear wiggle. When she had known she must have been becoming a little too fond, but perhaps for the wrong reasons. Or perhaps they were simply, reasons?
Even so he was still... coming into his own, coming to terms with himself and the people in his universe and maybe seeing around himself for the first time beyond the duty ahead. She had not anticipated, being in that viewpoint, though she knew how it was to simply lift up one's head and breathe for the first time and in some ways she was still learning to just do that.
But the wine, she remembers, and something darker, uglier, shifts beneath the surface, but her past, coils tightly within, knowing what in her would revile him, let alone all the emotions he had tugged to the fore that there was simply no place for in this world.
The wine. Regardless of what he said, it was still tainted with how compromised he was, even if it would have felt nice to just believe it a little longer, to just stay in this dream-moment a little longer, but that was the sort of thing that got one into trouble. Sweet words.
He was kind, and he was in pain, surely, and either way this was her fault, for allowing it to get so far, for indulging. She leans into his hand, but then she shifts hers, as though to gently move his away though it lingers. ]
... Then if this is a conversation you wish to continue, it must be when you are free of this wine. Your head will be clearer then. Perhaps your ... inclinations will be as well.
[ She doesn't understand, why he would see anything in her, and she's not sure how to handle it if -- there is more than what the wine suggests. She is far too fragile for this. ]
[In their own ways they are both too fragile for this. He doesn't know how to handle all of this any more than she does.
But she's absolutely right. The enormity of the world beyond merely what duty demands of him leaves him feeling unmoored in so many ways. Chiefly among them is the emotions he'd never permitted himself to feel, let alone acknowledge. The sudden breadth of opportunities he had no idea how to filter and dismiss. Things he should chose between but somehow now, having let so many years, decades of said opportunities slip past he simply... doesn't know how to let others go now.
He should. For Regis' sake. For Will's. For his own maybe even. But the knowledge of how to regulate, to find some middle ground between feeling everything and seizing every opportunity or standing back, untouched by everything around him, is so far out of his grasp.]
I cannot fault you for distrusting this. As much as I want to insist it couldn't only be the wine I have no way of guaranteeing that myself.
I do care for you, though. Wine or no, that is not a question.
[ That is the only reassurance she can muster. Even if the wine was driving everything else about him, his words... his intent, to protect, she understood that.
As much as that made it all the more difficult. Perhaps she would have to only treasure the moment, if the kiss was false, even if he would never kiss her again, not like that, and certainly not, if he knew - as though he'd be even to able look at her again, with eyes like that. No, she'd see in his eyes the way he'd spoken about Besithia, the scowl and the disgust. She couldn't shake the thought.
What was required? She was thinking too much about this. She was still anothers, and Cor was compromised, with some space they both would be fine. Perhaps. It would be hard. They could talk about other things. It would be better. It had all gone to her head too. She had not yet moved his hand away from her. What was she doing.
There's a faint rustle, as Kova moves to plant himself between their feet at last, and meow upward, trying to jump to her arms. ]
... Kova, that is not necessary. We are saying good night.
He lets his hand slip away, knuckles brushing along her cheek but the dismissal is clear. He's pushed for too much and as much as it would be nice to kiss her again he's at least smart enough to respect the silent request for space.
His hand falls away and he takes half a step back, looking down at the feline, expression sheepish. It's just a cat but somehow it's easier to talk to Kova just now than Honerva herself.]
Don't worry I'm giving her back.
[A deep breath before he looks back up to her, nodding, acknowledging the request for what it is.]
[ It's a little less warm when he lets his hand fall away, as the curtain of her hair falls over her face again. The cat seemed intent to take up the space, as she finally stooped just enough to gather him in her arms, before rising again. It was not the same, even if the cat was acting of his own whims, a minor buffering of lost comfort. He meows again, in response to Cor's words, though not as insistently; it seems the message was gotten.
Then Cor looks back to her, and for a moment her words seem to be stolen again, but she recovers, inclining her head. It was an out, an out for both of them, with neither of them needing to hastily leave as much as instincts were blurred. They were adults, this was... reasonable. ]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2020-01-04 09:22 pm (UTC)He does not know how long such a thing had been denied from her and not even her memory could not have provided her with the reality of warmth and having her breath all but stolen and... everything else. Still he is an anchor and she barely manages to remain on the side of levity instead of plunging back into the depths. ]
Quite a long way from when we first met.
[ Or from even a few months ago, as she reflects on just the gentle way he had taken her hand then, let alone the emotions that had stirred then, too. ]
It seems... that you have taken the idea of such a change to heart.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-08 12:33 am (UTC)[It is a change, certainly, but one long overdue. A change that Regis has been trying to push for years. It really is amazing what the lack of imminent war can do for a man's nerves.]
And... [He's still not sure now is the time to say it but she seems a bit more collected now, they both do. She deserves to know.]
The wine... [There's a flash of blue light and the glass he'd been drinking earlier returns to his hand.] Encourages this sort of thing. Fool that I am, I was certain I'd be able to resist it's effects. Not that I think it was entirely the wine at work.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-08 02:38 am (UTC)[ Her smile fades. She hadn't paid much mind to the drinks; they held no fascination for her, even if the properties would have been interesting to tease with to potentially discover what might have been causing effects in the first place, but she had other considerations to bear rather than to fiddle with those.
But this spoke more of... an influence. He cannot say for certain whether or not he would have acted, were it not in place, though he tries to assure her otherwise. But that part is more... difficult to process. ]
Then surely, you must still feel compromised, at this moment.
[ Because if he were in his right mind she was certain he would never feel taken by such boldness. ]
I would not want you to feel taken advantage of while in this state.
[ She had still allowed it to happen, hadn't she? The pull had been there, it still was, but there was a wrongness in it. Let alone her own ... emotions, all stirred up with nowhere to go. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-08 05:19 am (UTC)Nor would I want you to feel taken advantage of. I don't want you to think it is the wine alone.
[His cheeks color slightly, glancing aside.]
It was a thought, fleeting and not something I'd have dared, but there none the less when we spoke last, in the archive. I- Perhaps it encouraged me to be more forward than I might have otherwise but...
[He shrugs helplessly. But he really likes you, Honerva and he doesn't know what to do with that, exactly.]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-08 05:48 am (UTC)Even so he was still... coming into his own, coming to terms with himself and the people in his universe and maybe seeing around himself for the first time beyond the duty ahead. She had not anticipated, being in that viewpoint, though she knew how it was to simply lift up one's head and breathe for the first time and in some ways she was still learning to just do that.
But the wine, she remembers, and something darker, uglier, shifts beneath the surface, but her past, coils tightly within, knowing what in her would revile him, let alone all the emotions he had tugged to the fore that there was simply no place for in this world.
The wine. Regardless of what he said, it was still tainted with how compromised he was, even if it would have felt nice to just believe it a little longer, to just stay in this dream-moment a little longer, but that was the sort of thing that got one into trouble. Sweet words.
He was kind, and he was in pain, surely, and either way this was her fault, for allowing it to get so far, for indulging. She leans into his hand, but then she shifts hers, as though to gently move his away though it lingers. ]
... Then if this is a conversation you wish to continue, it must be when you are free of this wine. Your head will be clearer then. Perhaps your ... inclinations will be as well.
[ She doesn't understand, why he would see anything in her, and she's not sure how to handle it if -- there is more than what the wine suggests. She is far too fragile for this. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-09 05:31 am (UTC)But she's absolutely right. The enormity of the world beyond merely what duty demands of him leaves him feeling unmoored in so many ways. Chiefly among them is the emotions he'd never permitted himself to feel, let alone acknowledge. The sudden breadth of opportunities he had no idea how to filter and dismiss. Things he should chose between but somehow now, having let so many years, decades of said opportunities slip past he simply... doesn't know how to let others go now.
He should. For Regis' sake. For Will's. For his own maybe even. But the knowledge of how to regulate, to find some middle ground between feeling everything and seizing every opportunity or standing back, untouched by everything around him, is so far out of his grasp.]
I cannot fault you for distrusting this. As much as I want to insist it couldn't only be the wine I have no way of guaranteeing that myself.
I do care for you, though. Wine or no, that is not a question.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-09 06:51 am (UTC)[ That is the only reassurance she can muster. Even if the wine was driving everything else about him, his words... his intent, to protect, she understood that.
As much as that made it all the more difficult. Perhaps she would have to only treasure the moment, if the kiss was false, even if he would never kiss her again, not like that, and certainly not, if he knew - as though he'd be even to able look at her again, with eyes like that. No, she'd see in his eyes the way he'd spoken about Besithia, the scowl and the disgust. She couldn't shake the thought.
What was required? She was thinking too much about this. She was still anothers, and Cor was compromised, with some space they both would be fine. Perhaps. It would be hard. They could talk about other things. It would be better. It had all gone to her head too. She had not yet moved his hand away from her. What was she doing.
There's a faint rustle, as Kova moves to plant himself between their feet at last, and meow upward, trying to jump to her arms. ]
... Kova, that is not necessary. We are saying good night.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-12 06:46 am (UTC)He lets his hand slip away, knuckles brushing along her cheek but the dismissal is clear. He's pushed for too much and as much as it would be nice to kiss her again he's at least smart enough to respect the silent request for space.
His hand falls away and he takes half a step back, looking down at the feline, expression sheepish. It's just a cat but somehow it's easier to talk to Kova just now than Honerva herself.]
Don't worry I'm giving her back.
[A deep breath before he looks back up to her, nodding, acknowledging the request for what it is.]
Good night, Honerva.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-12 08:03 am (UTC)[ It's a little less warm when he lets his hand fall away, as the curtain of her hair falls over her face again. The cat seemed intent to take up the space, as she finally stooped just enough to gather him in her arms, before rising again. It was not the same, even if the cat was acting of his own whims, a minor buffering of lost comfort. He meows again, in response to Cor's words, though not as insistently; it seems the message was gotten.
Then Cor looks back to her, and for a moment her words seem to be stolen again, but she recovers, inclining her head. It was an out, an out for both of them, with neither of them needing to hastily leave as much as instincts were blurred. They were adults, this was... reasonable. ]
Good night, Cor. Be well.